Here you will find reviews of the trashiest books ever written, forgotten classics, paperback head-spinners, and the just plain weird. Someone had to read these books, and thank god it's not you.
New reviews appear constantly...like Magic!
Absolved - the self-published militia novel that inspired the 2011 Waffle House Terror Plot.
AMERIKA - Very Important Novelization of the 80's miniseries about Commies Taking Over America!
Amityville: The Final Chapter - the Amityville Saga gets very, very stupid.
The Closed Circle - Satanic cult ridiculosity brought to you by the fine folks at Playboy Publishing.
The Park is Mine - the greatest book about a crazed Vietnam Vet taking over Central Park ever written.
The Little People - Nazi leprechauns...born in the concentration camps and engineered for sin!
The Other and Harvest Home - Thomas Tryon's forgotten blockbusters launched the 70's horror revival.
Feast - Graham Masterton's cannibal classic is so bonkers Jesus has to appear and sort everything out.
The Rats and The Fog - James Herbert's pub rock horror novels are full of puke, n'blood, n'rats, rats, rats!
The Amulet - Michael McDowell's Southern gothic gore fiesta is Trash Faulkner.
The Auctioneer - if Cormac McCarthy wrote Needful Things it would look like Joan Samson's one-off classic.
Hobgoblin - remember when everyone thought D&D was sending us all to Hell? No? Here's a refresher.
The Sucking Pit and The Walking Dead - Guy N. Smith gives his readers more than crabs. Unfortunately.
Maynard's House - it's getting all Yankee up in here, ya'll. Now a Vietnam vet takes on a Maine witch.
Fatal Beauty vs. Small World - William Schoell brings killer breast implants. Tabitha King brings shrinking.
Wurm - killer worms from the ocean floor. Oh, I'm sorry. Wurms.
Dead White and Black Christmas - have some killer clowns and axe murderers for Christmas!
Fatal Beauty and Small World - Stephen King's wife writes about miniature people, also worms do plastic surgery!
Familiar Spirit and Gabriel - two 80's horror paperbacks from the deeply perverse Lisa Tuttle.
The Last Canadian - because there can be only one!
The Steel, the Mist, and the Blazing Sun - the book that has disappointed me for 20 years.
Coma - Robin Cook's forgotten bestseller about doctors and computers.
Koko - I wasn't a Peter Straub fan until I read his blockbuster Vietnam novel.
Burnt Offerings - the forgotten haunted house bestseller from 1973 that's actually pretty good!
The Ninth Configuration - William Peter Blatty's prequel to The Exorcist.
Beloved - why hasn't the horror genre claimed Toni Morrison's ghost story as one of its best books?
Alabaster - Osamu Tezuka's manga about a black man with invisible skin is pretty freaky stuff.
The Strangers - this 80's horror paperback about hidden psychopaths will teach you to be careful who you marry.
Black in Time - get it? GET IT???? It's about black nationalists and white supremacists going to war using time travel!!!!
XY - a gender-bender horror novel that feels like a lost Cronenberg movie.
Shadowland - what if Harry Potter was written for grown-ups?
Such a Good Baby - a book about a killer baby, featuring great, glistening pools of puke.
Bloodrush - how come race is so complicated in the South and what's that got to do with unlimited quantities of bull semen?
The Flying Eyes - you know what Mad Men left out? The flying, oozing, dripping, giant eyes that haunted 1950's America.
The Sentinel - Or, How To Throw a Birthday Party for Your Cat!
Phoenix: Dark Messiah - in post-apocalyptic America, only the coolest dudes with the biggest dongs and hugest guns will survive.
Abracadabra - the only good magician is a dead magician.
Toy Cemetery - books about toys fighting a war against kiddie porn producers and the products of incest don't get any better than this.
Slob - he started as a serial killer, wound up as a superhero.
Skeleton Doctors - two books about the worst doctors of all.
Insects Hate Us! - Blood Worm, Squelch, and Blight. Three books about our tiniest enemies.
Phantom of the Soap Opera - if you want to move to NYC and star in soap operas, you MUST read this one book.
Let's Get It On - The Night Visitor and Taurus...either Satan's sticking it up your butt or a bull is stabbing you in the scrotum.
The Omen Novelizations - five books about three movies, and in only one of them does a lonely man befriend a dead chicken.
Satan's Child - the lost folk horror link.
The Abyss - it's like Bruce Springsteen rewrote Dante's Inferno only with more beer.
The Tribe - Jewish horror was a part of the horror paperback market, and this is probably its pinnacle.
The Moonchild - basically a Hammer horror movie in book form about a kid with a monstrous wanking arm that kills.
Dark Angel - Catholic-sploitation was a big paperback genre and this is peak achievement. True lunacy.
Satan Sublets - what happens when Satan is your landlord? Nothing good!
The Sendai - based on scientific truth! There are mice with chicken heads out there just running around!!!! (and killer babies)
Snowman - Yeti wants to come to America and ruin all our stuff. What a creep.
The Sibling - the touching Yuletide tale of a brother who loves his sister so much he gives her little "cadaver kisses".
Slay Bells - teens in peril! Trapped in a blizzard at the local mall! Stalked by Santa!
The Foundling - she plays a mean guitar, gaslights her mom, and Charles Manson was her dad. Kids today.
The Shadow Man - home computers can help you with your taxes and send witches into the past with their timeshifter beams.
Kodiak! - the Jaws of killer bear books, only better. For god's sake, it's got an exclamation mark in the title.
Brainchild - before he started ghost writing VC Andrews books, Andrew Neiderman was a hell of an author in his own right.
Keeper of the Children - killer marionettes, mannequins, teddy bears, and scarecrows. Pure nightmare fuel.
The Stigma - doomcore book about possessed girls and demonic dogs who just want to be your cuddle buddy.
The Farm - old McDonald's death farm of destruction.
The Searing - the scariest thing of all is the female orgasm, according to this book.
Seed of Evil - how not to pick up Satan in a bar.
Childgrave - yet another beautifully written horror paperback from Ken Greenhall.
Isobel - the story of a Scottish lass seduced by a French Satanist who wears leather.
The Orpheus Process - bad science plus bad parenting in the most X-treme 90's horror novels.
Night Train - gentrification versus demons from Hell in the subway tunnels of New York City.
Killer - the ultimate killer whale vs. human arms epic ever written.
Psychic Spawn - what happens when you raise a race of psychic Nazi super-babies and they just want to screw off and get drunk?
Nightlife - it's Miami Vice meets Crocodile Dundee only with more were-piranhas.
The Glow - it's Satanism with jogging and tofu loaf.
Nightblood - for everyone who thought 'Salem's Lot needed more uzis, it's the most 90's vampire book of all time.
Vessel - all about immortal serial killers abducting young Midwestern girls and making them constipated.
Blood Sisters - part 2 of my series, "What the Hell is the Matter with the Midwest?"
The Shinglo - it's Stephen King doing Vietnam with some Home Alone at the climax.
Fantasma - the all-Italian Mafia vs. Monsters novel from the early 90's.
Without Warning - the first review from my Paperbacks from Hell newsletter is this Yuletide gem.
Beast - come and see Bigfoot get it on. A lot.
Carnivore - a T.Rex hatches in the Antarctic and eats a lot of people in a novel that could have been titles Assholes on Ice.
Condor - even B-list Graham Masterton is still worthy of your time and attention.
Bronson: Blind Rage - remember Death Wish? Here's the paperbacks series knock-off version.
The Tea Party - Charles L. Grant wants to invite you to one!
Ten Little Indians - less a sensitive depiction of Native American life, and more about invisible dwarf cannibal Native Americans.