Here you will find reviews of the trashiest books ever written, forgotten classics, paperback head-spinners, and the just plain weird. Someone had to read these books, and thank god it's not you.

New reviews appear constantly...like Magic!

Absolved - the self-published militia novel that inspired the 2011 Waffle House Terror Plot.

AMERIKA - Very Important Novelization of the 80's miniseries about Commies Taking Over America!

Amityville: The Final Chapter - the Amityville Saga gets very, very stupid.

The Closed Circle - Satanic cult ridiculosity brought to you by the fine folks at Playboy Publishing.

The Park is Mine - the greatest book about a crazed Vietnam Vet taking over Central Park ever written.

The Little People - Nazi leprechauns...born in the concentration camps and engineered for sin!

The Other and Harvest Home - Thomas Tryon's forgotten blockbusters launched the 70's horror revival.

Feast - Graham Masterton's cannibal classic is so bonkers Jesus has to appear and sort everything out.

The Rats and The Fog - James Herbert's pub rock horror novels are full of puke, n'blood, n'rats, rats, rats!

The Amulet - Michael McDowell's Southern gothic gore fiesta is Trash Faulkner.

The Auctioneer - if Cormac McCarthy wrote Needful Things it would look like Joan Samson's one-off classic.

Hobgoblin - remember when everyone thought D&D was sending us all to Hell? No? Here's a refresher.

The Sucking Pit and The Walking Dead - Guy N. Smith gives his readers more than crabs. Unfortunately.

Maynard's House - it's getting all Yankee up in here, ya'll. Now a Vietnam vet takes on a Maine witch.

Fatal Beauty vs. Small World - William Schoell brings killer breast implants. Tabitha King brings shrinking.

Wurm - killer worms from the ocean floor. Oh, I'm sorry. Wurms.

Dead White and Black Christmas - have some killer clowns and axe murderers for Christmas!

Fatal Beauty and Small World - Stephen King's wife writes about miniature people, also worms do plastic surgery!

Familiar Spirit and Gabriel - two 80's horror paperbacks from the deeply perverse Lisa Tuttle.

The Last Canadian - because there can be only one!

The Steel, the Mist, and the Blazing Sun - the book that has disappointed me for 20 years.

Coma - Robin Cook's forgotten bestseller about doctors and computers.

Koko - I wasn't a Peter Straub fan until I read his blockbuster Vietnam novel.

Burnt Offerings - the forgotten haunted house bestseller from 1973 that's actually pretty good!

The Ninth Configuration - William Peter Blatty's prequel to The Exorcist.

Beloved - why hasn't the horror genre claimed Toni Morrison's ghost story as one of its best books?

Alabaster - Osamu Tezuka's manga about a black man with invisible skin is pretty freaky stuff.

The Strangers - this 80's horror paperback about hidden psychopaths will teach you to be careful who you marry.

Miss Finney Kills Now and Then - a truly berserk trash classic. Like a slasher written by John Waters.

Black in Time - get it? GET IT???? It's about black nationalists and white supremacists going to war using time travel!!!!

XY - a gender-bender horror novel that feels like a lost Cronenberg movie.

Shadowland - what if Harry Potter was written for grown-ups?

Such a Good Baby - a book about a killer baby, featuring great, glistening pools of puke.