Category Archives: South Carolina Wins
Keep it classy, South Carolina
“This Super Bowl sucks more dick than adult Trayvon Martin would have for drug money.” – Todd Kincannon, lawyer and former executive director of the South Carolina GOP Tweeting about the issues that matter
Everyone Loves a DUI Cop
“I’ve been doing this five years, and I’ve been with other officers in this situation, and I didn’t do this to them. I hope you feel good about doing this…I better not catch you in Charleston city.” – intoxicated cop … Continue reading
South Carolina’s Jesus Stingray
“I just kind of thought it looked like a bearded homeless man, but when I posted pictures on Instagram, one of my friends was like, ‘That’s Jesus.’ And I was like, ‘Oh, my God. You’re right.’” – Erika Scheldt, 24, … Continue reading
Probably a UFO
“Bolide meteors are supposed to be rare, yet fireball UFOs have appeared in multiple states across the United States in the past year.” – South Carolina news story dismissing expert opinion that an object seen in the night sky was … Continue reading
South Carolina: “Special” Victims Unit
Law & Order would totally be making an episode about this if Law & Order specialized in compelling television about idiots because that’s what South Carolina law enforcement seems to be full of right now. So back around February 18, … Continue reading
SC Wins Again!
My home state, South Carolina, is made of win! It is like a garden hose gushing strange delights from which I try to fill my chalice. If you cut South Carolina, it bleeds unicorns. If you nuke South Carolina, you’ll … Continue reading
SC’s Walmart Receipt Jesus
Jacob Simmons and his fiance Gentry Lee Sutherland thought they had simply bought some pictures at Walmart…but it turns out they kidnapped Jesus’s face! After bringing their purchases home, Gentry threw the receipt on the floor, as is her way, … Continue reading
South Carolina Celebrates Secession
(Originally written for Slate, this piece got cut due to the holiday madness. Here it is, a tribute to my home state on the 150th anniversary of its secession.) South Carolina is known for a lot of things. It’s the … Continue reading
